


Seeing Stars

by minyxrd_03



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew smiles, Just a bunch of moments from their life, M/M, Recovery, andrew is just smiling because it's what he deserves, because it's what they deserve, that's all it is, they're happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 09:17:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20171854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minyxrd_03/pseuds/minyxrd_03
Summary: Neil sees Andrew smile for the first time. And many times after that.





	Seeing Stars

**Author's Note:**

> people are all like "it's out of character for andrew to smile!" but i just wrote 3000 words to prove why they're wrong

The first time it ever happened, Neil thought he’d imagined it. It was so quick and so out of nowhere that he almost missed it. He would have if Andrew had turned away a second later, but he didn't and Neil saw it. The barest hint of a smile; and not just a subtle expression of amusement in his eyes. No, the corner of his mouth actually turned up a little. 

It happened when they were alone, as most things usually did. The new season was about to begin, which meant they’d only been practicing with the freshmen for a couple of weeks and Neil was still figuring his way around his role as junior captain. He’d been spending a lot of time shadowing Dan, and while he found he actually kind of enjoyed this new responsibility, he was getting quickly frustrated with how cocky the freshmen were. And the season hadn't even gotten its feet off of the ground yet. 

After a particularly frustrating practice, the team went back to their rooms, but Neil and Andrew found themselves on the roof, as they often did. The second they were out of earshot, Neil began to complain. They’d been on the roof for 15 minutes and Andrew hadn't said a single word; he let Neil rant. 

“I swear to God,” Neil said, putting out what was left of his cigarette. A habit, he found, he was turning to less and less these days. “I survived the literal mafia and yet this, a group of loudmouth freshmen, is what’s going to kill me.” 

He had more to say, but the words died in his throat when he looked at Andrew. He caught it right before Andrew turned away and for a second he thought it had been his imagination, but it hadn't been. Andrew had smiled. A thin, ghost of a smile that left no trace when Andrew looked back at him, but Neil knew what he saw. He saw Andrew smile, and it wasn’t the cause of drugs or mania; it was because of him. 

“Well,” Andrew said, following Neil’s lead and putting out his cigarette. “Now you understand what you put us through last year.” Then he grabbed Neil by the nape of his neck and kissed him. It was obviously a way to drop whatever just happened, but Neil was so focused on Andrew’s mouth against his and his hand under his shirt, that it didn't seem important in the moment. He grabbed onto Andrew and decided whatever he was going to say could wait. 

\-----  
Neil didn't bring it up again, though. He figured if it happened once it would happen again. He hoped, anyways. 

And it did. A month later. Neil had passed out on the couch with his head in Andrew’s lap after a long week of studying and midterms, but the sound of the door opening and slamming shut woke him up. His eyelids were heavy, however, and after the week he had, all he wanted was to go back to sleep, so he kept his eyes closed. He waited for some sort of indication as to who was in the room, but he kind of had a feeling. 

Andrew shifted just slightly, trying not to wake up Neil. Whoever had just walked in was clearly lingering by the door as Neil hadn't heard anyone walk past which meant they were probably just staring at Andrew. If Neil’s guess was any good, it was likely close to his usual evening practice, meaning the person who walked in was probably…

“Is he asleep?” Kevin asked from the doorway. 

“Either that, or he’s dead.” Andrew responded. 

Kevin didn't say anything for a moment; neither of them did. Then, Kevin sighed. “I take it that means you won’t be attending practice tonight?” Pause. “God, Andrew, our next game is-”

He didn't finish whatever he was going to say. Neil could only imagine what Andrew had done to make him stop talking by not even moving. Kevin sighed again and walked back out the door. 

Neil waited a second before opening his eyes, and when he did, he was looking up at Andrew. Andrew was looking at the door and smiling. It was sharper than it had been the last time, but like the last time it was just a slight curve to indicate his amusement. It lasted longer this time, too, because Andrew was unaware Neil was looking at him. 

It faded when Andrew looked down at Neil and found him looking up at him, but the amusement was still in his eyes, and that was enough to make Neil smile. It was thin and tired, and it made Andrew roll his eyes. But the way he lightly brushed back the hair in Neil’s face made it clear that there was no real malice behind it. 

Andrew looked away. “Go back to sleep.” 

Neil closed his eyes, but he didn't sleep. He was content to lay there, feeling safe this close to Andrew with his hands in his hair. He didn't want to miss out on a moment like this one. 

\------

“I can’t believe how wrong you are, Andrew. How could you even think that?” Nicky’s voice was loud enough to be heard from the hall and by instinct, it made Neil want to turn around and come back later to avoid some sort of argument. But at this point, he had known Nicky for long enough that he knew he was most likely worked up over something somewhat trivial. And given that Andrew was involved, it had probably started by Andrew purposefully getting Nicky riled up. 

Neil hiked his backpack up over his shoulder and entered his room, preparing himself for whatever pointless argument was being had. Nicky and Andrew both turned to look at him which put a temporary end to Nicky’s ranting. 

“Oh, good, Neil is here,” Nicky said. He pointed between Neil and Andrew. “Please tell Andrew how wrong he is; he listens to you.” 

Neil slung his backpack onto the floor and approached the two of them. Andrew merely looked at him, but Neil could tell he was having fun getting Nicky riled up. He probably didn't even agree with what he was saying, but it didn't matter. 

“What’s this about?” Neil asked. 

“Andrew thinks the Backstreet Boys are overrated.” 

Neil only stared at him. He had been expecting something trivial, but not as much as this. He looked to Andrew. 

“What I said was that I think they’re bad and what they do shouldn’t even be called music. Don’t twist my words.” 

This sent Nicky on a whole new rant that Neil tuned out. He looked at Andrew who was leaning back in his chair as if Nicky wasn’t even speaking, and Andrew returned his gaze a second later. 

It started out subtle. Neil watched as Andrew’s eyebrows raised, an indication of his amusement, and then a slow grin spread across his face. It was thin-lipped and baleful, watching as his cousin got more and more worked up, but the look he directed towards Neil was less so. Neil smiled back and continued to do so even after Andrew’s slipped away.

Nicky looked back at the two of them. “Oh, okay.” He said. “Side with Andrew just because you’re dating now. I get it.” Neil’s smile widened. He didn't care enough about the conversation to have an opinion, but if antagonizing Nicky was what made Andrew smile, then Neil thought it was worth it. He looked back at Andrew, and even though the smile was gone, there was a look in his eyes that Andrew rarely displayed. And that made it hard for Neil not to smile. 

\------

It didn't take long for a slow, hidden smile to be something Neil saw frequently. It was always when no one else was looking and it never lasted for very long, but no matter how often he saw it, Neil had a hard time getting used to it. It was because it was just for him. It was like another one of Andrew’s secrets that only Neil got to know, except this was a secret that Neil loved to have. He wanted to be told this secret again and again. Every time he saw the corner of Andrew’s mouth curl up, he got this giddy feeling inside of him and he wanted to move in closer so he could hear the secret clearer. It was the secret of how Andrew was getting better. 

But if Neil hadn't gotten used to it yet, there was no way any of the Foxes could have prepared themselves for it. 

It was the first time it didn't happen for only Neil to see. It was when they were all crowded together in the girl’s room - just the 9 of them, without any freshmen - near the end of their last year altogether. Exy was over for the year, and finals would be over in a couple of days. Which meant Allison, Dan, and Renee were graduating in a week. 

Andrew had been spending more time than usual with Renee, coming back late long after Neil had gone to sleep. Sometimes he came back with a split lip or miscellaneous bruises. Often he just came back with bruised knuckles. Neil had to admit that he was worried about how he would be when Renee was gone. 

But for now, the 9 of them were crowded into the girls’ living room among several nearly-empty pizza boxes and empty bottles. At some point, someone had started with goodbye speeches that led to Dan crying. She was, in all fairness, drunk; as most of them were. 

It was currently Renee that was speaking, giving some sort of speech to both Allison and Dan about how much she would miss them. Neil hadn't really been paying attention because it felt kind of personal, but when she turned to where him and Andrew were sitting, he sat up a little straighter. 

“You’re a good man, Andrew Minyard,” She said. “I know you are. Maybe one day you’ll actually be able to beat me; keep practicing.” 

It was short and sweet, and she left it at that. Neil expected her to move on, but when everyone was staring at them, Neil looked up at Andrew. And he was smiling. 

It wasn’t much compared to what Neil had seen in the past year, but given the last time the rest of them had seen him smile was due to his medication, it was a big moment. As Neil had seen it before, he was slightly more interested in everyone else’s reactions. 

Everyone was looking at Andrew, slightly agape. Matt was rapidly blinking as though he were imagining it, and Dan looked simply confused. It was Nicky and Aaron, who had known Andrew the longest and had probably never seen him willingly smile before, watching him with expressions Neil couldn’t interpret. He wondered what they were feeling. 

Renee, who knew Andrew would not like this attention, continued speaking. She directed her attention back to Dan and Allison, leaving everyone to catch up. 

A while later, when everyone was starting to pass out, Matt stumbled over to Neil when they were both alone. 

“Andrew smiled,” Matt said, eyes wide. “Like...smiled.” 

“I know,” Neil replied. “I saw.” 

“Andrew never smiles, though.” 

Neil shrugged, although even now it still felt like a big deal whenever Andrew displayed that sort of emotion. It was hard not to smile when Andrew did. “Just because you haven’t seen it doesn’t mean it never happens.”   
Matt looked at Neil for a moment and the shock slowly faded from his face. “Oh,” He said. And then he smiled. “I’m glad he’s getting better.” 

Neil looked past Matt at the couch where Andrew was lying. From where Neil was standing, he could see that Andrew wasn’t yet asleep. He had one leg stretched out and the other dangling off the side of the couch. HIs arms were crossed over his chest and he was staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression on his face. 

Then, as if he could sense Neil looking at him, his head lolled to the side and his gaze met Neil’s. He didn't smile now, but the blank look was replaced with a glint in his eyes that Neil had come to recognize. It was a look only for the two of them, just as Andrew smiling had been until tonight. But unlike that look, Neil was okay with sharing the latter with others. It meant Andrew was getting better; it meant Andrew was happier than he’d once been. 

“Yeah,” Neil said, returning to his conversation with Matt. He kept his eyes locked with Andrew’s, though, finding it hard to look away. “I am, too.” 

\------

There were weeks where Andrew smiled less than others. There were times when his smile was bigger and lasted longer. But it never mattered if it was just a slight upturn of the corner of his mouth, or nearly enough to reveal teeth - it never had, though - it was still more than when he’d been taken off of his meds. And every smile, Neil took as a sign of progress. That Andrew was getting better, that he appreciated life a little bit more, that he was happier than he’d been. 

It was a few weeks after they’d first moved in together that Neil truly realized how far they’d both come. Neil was sitting on the couch with Andrew’s head in his lap and they were watching a game Neil had insisted on. Andrew had objected, but with very limited effort. 

Neither of them spoke much, and at some point Neil had assumed Andrew had fallen asleep as he hadn't moved in a while. His hand dangled in front of Andrew’s chest and their fingers had been loosely tangled until Andrew let go, at which point Neil gently laid his hand on top of Andrew’s shoulder. 

“This team’s defense line sucks,” Andrew said out of nowhere. His voice was somewhat muffled by Neil’s knee. “They might as well just have the goalie out there by herself.”   
This shocked Neil for two reasons: One, that Andrew had spoken when Neil had been certain he was asleep; and two, that Andrew had clearly been paying attention to the game to be making accurate observations like that. 

“I thought you were asleep,” Neil said. 

“No,” Andrew said. He took a while to speak again which made Neil think he wasn’t going to say anything else. “Just enjoying the moment.” 

It was weird, Neil thought, that after being together for as long as they were, that comments like those could still send a warm feeling through his chest. Maybe it was because comments like those were rare coming from Andrew. 

“Yeah,” Neil said. “Me too.” 

“Did you hear Jeremy Knox is switching to Kevin’s team?” Andrew asked a moment later.

Neil had heard about it. The news had broken that morning and Kevin had sent Neil a text about it as soon as he contractually could. Neil wasn’t surprised that Andrew knew about this, but he was surprised Andrew was talking about it. 

“Yeah. Did Kevin text you, too?”

“Mhm,” Andrew mumbled. “He texted me at 6 this morning to make sure I ‘tuned into the news’. Like I’m a 60 year old man.” 

Neil laughed and Andrew shifted a bit. “You know, when it’s all finalized, we’re going to be able to get back at Kevin for all the times he said our game wasn’t good enough.” 

It was true. Something about Jeremy turned the usually steady-as-a-rock Kevin into something a lot less stable. He got nervous and flustered, which was something both Neil and Andrew enjoyed thoroughly. 

Andrew made a noise that Neil mistook as a scoff, but when Andrew buried his face into Neil’s leg, Neil realized it had been a laugh. It was just a sharp exhale that sounded closer to a cough than anything, but Andrew had laughed. And Neil would have drowned in it if he could. 

“Do you think we’ll ever be that old?” Neil asked, after he had processed what had happened.

“How old?” 

“You know,” Neil said. “Waking up at 6am to watch the news; yelling at the neighbor kids to get off our lawn. That kinda thing.” 

“You already do both of those things.” 

“You know what I mean.” 

Andrew was quiet for a second. “I think so,” He said. And then, almost too quiet for Neil to hear, “I hope so.” 

And maybe that wouldn’t be such a big deal for anybody else - growing old - but for two people who didn't expect to make it much past 20, it felt like a pretty big step forward. Neil really liked the idea of growing old with Andrew. He liked the idea of a regular life if that life was with Andrew. 

“I love you,” Neil said. And it wasn’t the first time he’d said it, but it felt different. It felt like he was making an extra promise with those words. It felt like the promise of forever. 

Andrew shifted again so he was looking up at Neil. “I love you, too.” And it wasn’t the first time Andrew had said that, but it felt different. It felt like he was agreeing to the promise Neil had made. It felt like he was promising him forever. He sat up, grabbed Neil by the back of the neck, and kissed him. 

When he pulled away, Andrew was smiling. Neil hoped that feeling he got, that warmth in his chest from seeing Andrew smile, would never go away. He hoped that in 40 years he would still feel the same way whenever Andrew looked at him like that. He hoped for a lifetime of happy days; days where he looked back and couldn’t believe that this was how far he and Andrew had gotten. He hoped that one day he would look in the mirror to find grey hair and wrinkles, and that his knees would kind of hurt after a run. He hoped for a lifetime of days he never expected to get, and he hoped for that lifetime to be one he shared with Andrew. That was all he really needed; so long as Andrew was happy, he would be too.


End file.
